It can’t be denied, the kitchen is the heart of any home. This kitchen is the hub of activity from morning, noon, all the way to night. Any time we have company, there’s no question we’ll be huddled around the center island of our kitchen. Usually munching on a board filled with salami, nuts, vegetables, hummus, and often chips and salsa is where you’ll find me.

Growing up, I can recall mostly the same. My parents paid their bills on the kitchen table, prepped meals, and hung out in the room. Memories were made learning to bake, doing homework, eating snacks, and enjoying a hot cup of coffee. The kitchen has zero competition for favorite room in the house.

Eat it or starve.

If you’re looking for the best in funny, sarcastic, and awesome quotes to hang prominently in your kitchen, we’ve got you covered. Any one of these sayings will help express your unique personality, humor, and make this important gathering place reflect you.

Funny Kitchen Quotes

If you are looking for funny quotes to add to your kitchen, then look no further than this list.

  • A clean kitchen is a sign of a wasted life.
  • A good food is mouthwatering when you see it and finger licking when you eat it.
  • A meal without wine is called BREAKFAST!
  • Many people have eaten my food and gone on to lead normal lives.
  • A messy KITCHEN is a sign of happiness.
  • Went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of Aisle 5.
  • Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what your mom is making for lunch.
  • Clean the kitchen not because you want to, but because if you don’t Mom will lose her shit.
  • Cooking is about creating something delicious for someone else.
  • D.I.E.T. (Did I Eat That)
  • Fish, to taste right, must swim three times: in water, in butter and in wine.
  • Food doesn’t ask silly questions, food UNDERSTANDS…
  • Get your fat pants ready!

Homemade with love. In other words, I licked the spoon and kept using it.

  • I do not stick to rules when cooking. I rely on my imagination.
  • I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
  • I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
  • I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for answers.
  • I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it..!!
  • If it doesn’t have meat, it’s a SNACK!
  • If you can organize your kitchen, you can organize your life.
  • It doesn’t matter how expensive your kitchen is if you are a bad cook.
  • May the forks be with you
  • My kitchen was clean last week. Sorry you missed it.
  • My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines.

No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize.

  • No woman ever shot a man while he was washing the dishes.
  • Table manners are for people that aren’t hungry.
  • The dishes are looking at me dirty again…
  • The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house!
  • The perfect food would taste as good as fresh popcorn smells.
  • The secret of clean kitchen is simple. Don’t cook ever
  • The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
  • This evening’s forecast includes a 0% chance of me cooking.
  • This kitchen is for dancing.
  • This kitchen is seasoned with love!
  • This kitchen would be clean if only people would stop eating here.
  • Trying to complete a task before the microwave hits 00:00.
  • When I learned how to cook..I forgot how to clean!!

Funny Kitchen Sayings for Your Walls and Frames

My Kitchen. My Rules.

We’ve organized the best of these sayings, so that you can choose the perfect one to hang on your kitchen wall.

  • “VEGETARIAN” is an old Indian word for bad hunter.
  • A watched pot never boils..!!
  • All you need is LOVE and a cup of COFFEE.
  • Always cook with love. Always bake with your heart. Always enjoy yourself.
  • Annoying the cook will result in smaller portions.
  • Chef: A person who cooks shit YOU can’t!
  • Clean up after yourselves, House Elves don’t work here…
  • COOK – EAT – CLEAN – REPEAT

Related Reading: 51 Hilarious Taco Tuesday Slogans, Puns, and Unforgettable Quotes

  • Cooking is LOVE made Edible.
  • Count the Memories, not the Calories.
  • Dozens of people have eaten here and gone on to lead relatively normal lives.
  • FOOD – eat it quickly or you will have to share it.
  • FOOD is essential to LIFE; Therefore MAKE IT GOOD.
  • Food is memories..!!
  • GOOD FOOD is GOOD MOOD.
  • Happiness is HOMEMADE.
  • Happiness is..cooking together..!!
  • Happiness is..Extra DESSERT..!!
  • Happiness is..free food!!
  • Happiness is..my mother’s cooking.
  • I don’t believe in low-fat cooking.
  • I have a passion for not cooking.

I serve three meals: Frozen, Microwave, and Take Out.

  • If you don’t like the food, keep it to yourself.
  • Kitchen closed due to illness: I am sick of COOKING!!
  • Leftovers are for quitters!
  • Made with Love means I licked the spoon then kept using it…
  • Many have eaten here, few have died.
  • More wine, less whine.
  • My cooking is fabulous; even the smoke alarm is cheering on me on.
  • NO cooking allowed, kitchen for display only
  • One day..I’m gonna make the onions cry
  • Sit at the table, take a look, the first to complain is next week’s cook!
  • STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
  • The cook is always right.
  • The kitchen was clean last week, sorry you missed it.
  • The onions aren’t making me cry, it’s being in the kitchen in general.
  • The only time to eat diet food is while you are waiting for the steak.
  • The secret ingredient is ALWAYS cheese.
  • The secret ingredient is always love.
  • Today’s menu – EAT IT or STARVE.
  • Today’s menu has two choices TAKE IT or LEAVE IT.
  • Today’s menu has two choices – Take it or Leave it.
  • Too much Pi gives you a large circumference.

Funny Cooking Quotes

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

  • A guy who knows how to cook is really handsome.
  • An apron is just a cape on backwards
  • Bake it till you make it.
  • BAKE the world a better place
  • Cake makes life just a little sweeter.
  • Cookies are made of butter & love.
  • COOKIES make the world a better place!
  • Cooking is like giving birth because you are mixing things together to create something new and wonderful.

Cooking is like love, it should be entered into with complete abandon or not at all.

  • Cooking is like snow skiing: If you don’t fall at least 10 times, then you’re not skiing hard enough.
  • Cooking makes life happy.
  • Cooking rule: If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza and donuts.
  • Eating is a necessity but cooking is an art.
  • Fitness? I’m fit’ness whole cookie in my mouth
  • Happiness is knowing..there is cake in the oven.
  • I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere 😉
  • I like hash tags because they look like waffles #
  • I love you like a fat kid loves cake!
  • I tried cooking with wine, but after three glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen.
  • I want someone to look at me the way I look at the chocolate cake
  • I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
  • I’m so egg-cited and I just can’t hide it
  • I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

If God wanted me to cook, why did he invent restaurants??

  • If there’s a recipe for success in life, it starts with picking the right ingredients.
  • If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
  • In the cookies of life, friends are chocolate chips!
  • It’s a little chili in here tonight
  • It’s okay to lick the bowl. Mama said
  • Life is short, eat dessert first.
  • Please. Romaine calm
  • Reservations. Always on my weekly meal prep
  • Seasoned with love, Spiced with sass
  • There is no “WE” in “FOOD”

Related Reading: 125+ Cute Cookie Company Quotes and Funny Puns List 

  • Tough cookies don’t crumble
  • What the fork is for dinner?
  • Whatever happens, we’re EATING IT!!
  • When it doubt, add more pepper
  • When life gives you lemons, throw them away and get some bacon.
  • You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy cupcakes, and that’s kind of the same thing.
  • You only live once, Lick the bowl..!!
  • You will eat it, and you WILL like it!
  • Your opinion? Not in my recipe

Sarcastic Kitchen Quotes

No Bitchin’ In My Kitchen.

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, so they say. But when it comes to kitchen quotes, some of those sarcastic sayings are also the funniest.

  • Annoying the cook will result in STARVATION.
  • Calories don’t count on the weekend.
  • Cheese – Milk’s leap towards imortality.
  • Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad.
  • Complaints to the Cook…can be hazardous to your health!
  • Count nutrients not calories.
  • Cupcakes are Muffins that beieved in miracles.
  • Dieting is when you eat food that makes you sad.
  • Dinner again? I just cooked yesterday
  • Don’t go bacon my heart.
  • First I drink the coffee, then I do the things.
  • Food should be fun. – Thomas Keller
  • Hangry – a state of anger caused by lack of food.
  • I came..I saw..I decided to order take out!
  • I don’t cook on days that end in Y!!

I don’t need an inspirational quote, I need COFFEE!

  • I enjoy long walks to the fridge
  • I followed my heart and it led me into the fridge
  • I hate when I go to the kitchen for food and all I find are ingredients.
  • I just don’t want to look back and think, I could’ve eaten that.
  • I just stepped on a cornflake. Now I am officially a cereal killer.
  • I love a woman who knows how to rub and tenderize meat.
  • I’m not gaining weight. I’m retaining food.
  • If there’s a problem, lettuce know.
  • I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
  • Many people have eaten in this kitchen & have gone on to lead normal, healthy lives.
  • My friend thinks he is smart. He said onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut on his face.
  • My mom’s favorite thing to make for dinner is RESERVATIONS.

My wife treats me like a god; I get a burnt offering at every meal.

  • Never ever trust a skinny cook!!
  • Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin. And muffins are healthy.
  • SAVE THE EARTH it’s the only planet with coffee.
  • Share my food? I’m not into that
  • Three words more beautiful for a married woman than I love you. “NO COOKING TODAY”
  • Ways to my heart: Buy me food, Make me food, Be food.
  • When life gives you lemons, chuck ’em back and demand chocolate!
  • When life gives you lemons, throw them at someone
  • When you’re not hungry, but you eat because your stomach is lonely.
  • Why do brides wear white? Because it’s the most popular color for kitchen appliances.
  • Why yes, I’ve discovered the JOY of cooking. It’s when my husband does it.

Famous Kitchen Quotes


Plenty of top celebrities have come up with some famous quote describing their shared experience in the kitchen. Some more than others (we’re looking at you Julia Child!). Here are some of the most famous quotes we could find.

  • A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. – Barbara Johnson
  • A party without cake is just a meeting. – Julia Child
  • A recipe has no soul, you as the cook must bring soul to the recipe. – Thomas Keller
  • All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast. – John Gunther
  • Americans will eat garbage, provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup. – Henry James
  • Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate. – Jo Brand
  • Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death and sweet as love. – Turkish Proverb
  • Cooking is an observation-based process that you can’t do if you’re so completely focused on a recipe. – Alton Brown
  • Cooking is at once child’s play and adult joy. And cooking done with care is an act of love. – Craig Claiborne
  • Cooking is the art of adjustment. – Jacques Pepin
  • Cooking is truly an act of love. – Jacues Pepin

Cooking well doesn’t mean cooking fancy. – Julia Child

  • Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. – Adelle Davis
  • Fat gives things flavor. – Julia Child
  • Food is your body’s fuel. Without fuel, your body wants to shut down. – Ken Hill
  • Good painting is like good cooking; it can be tasted, but not explained. – Maurice de Vlaminck
  • Great cooking favors the prepared hands. – Jacques Pepin
  • I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. – W.C Fields
  • I never met a meal I didn’t like! – Miss Piggy
  • I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. – Julia Child
  • I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner. — Jarod Kintz
  • If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. – Harry S. Truman
  • If you’re afraid of butter, use cream. – Julia Child
  • In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport. – Julia Child
  • In the childhood memories of every good cook, there’s a large kitchen, a warm stove, a simmering pot and a mom. – Barbara Costikyan
  • Laughter is brightest where food is best. – Irish Proverb
  • Life is a combination of magic and pasta. – Federico Fellini
  • Love and eggs are best when they are fresh. – Russian proverb
  • Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either. – Trixie Koontz

Never eat more than you can lift. – Miss Piggy

  • One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. – Virgina Woolf
  • PROMISE and PIE-CRUST are made to be broken. – Jonathan Swift
  • Sandwiches are wonderful. You don’t need a spoon or a plate! – Paul Lynde
  • The greatest dishes are very simple. – Auguste Escoffier
  • The most indispensable ingredient of all good home cooking: love for those you are cooking for. – Sophia Loren
  • The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. – Calvin Trillin
  • The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating. – John Walters
  • The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook. – Julia Child
  • There is no sincerer love than the love of food. – George Bernard Shaw
  • Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. – Jim Davis
  • When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think I can eat eight. – Yogi Berra

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